Time for a makeover...

Okay, so I think Its time to say goodbye to SuperCrack and move on to something different.  I have used it little but it has been well.  I think I am moving on to newer things and will be trying to utilize those better than I have this.  In other words, I'm completely revamping everything I have done.  At any rate, I hope those few of you who read this understand.  I will be putting up a link to the new blog once I get it finished.  :) 

Vanilla and Gnats...

I'm all sticky.  I'm sitting outside and I have vanilla all over me because the gnats are HORRIBLE this year!  Nonetheless, I get to sit outside.

At any rate.  I no longer have a job and I don't care.  I'm so relieved I am not working at that horrible place anymore.

On lighter notes, we almost have a house.  That's all I'm going to say about that.

On the subject of writing, I have gone back through and sort of reread Stolen Child.  I found a couple of "Guinea Pigs" to read it, so I wanted to see what they would be reading before passing it one.  All in all, it is a good first draft, in my own biased opinion.  There are a lot of questions I asked myself as I read.  Most of which I knew the answer to, but asked for the purpose of fixing them.  So, I will send the first chapter to my newfound acquaintances and see what happens from there.

Haha!  That's right gnat, fly away.  I've got vanilla!

I feel like I might be able to do a sort of C.S. Lewis/Narnia thing with Stolen Child and have my own version of Aslan.  Not sure how deeply I want to delve into that, but its an idea.  My "Aslan" could be the Archivist. He is by far my favourite character.  I just love him!  The fact that in my head he is played by Elrond (Hugo Weaving) from Lord of the Rings, may have something to do with that.

Then there is the evil Brychan.  I like him, at least as a villain.  He works well, but has some hiccups.  For instance?  Why doesn't he just kill Connor?  It's in the rules.  Well, long story.  I noticed, however, when I found various questions like that, I threw stuff in very late in the game to fix it.  Some of the answers work, others suck.

We will see.  At any rate, going to finally email those peeps now.  It's been about 4-5 days.  But I have been very busy.  I will tell more on that, however, when everything is official!  :)

All the love!

Moving

So I can totally feel God moving in my life now.  I know that I am taking a big step forward and am heading towards leading a life that is for Him.

WOOO!

It feels so much better.  Work has issues, but that will be fixed.  Life is full of trials, but with God I can get through all things!

One of the stories I have is reflecting that.  So votes have been coming in, and we are going to have a final decision soon.  I need to get out there and start advertising myself as a writer.  How do I do this?  I have no clue.

There was a Writer's Workshop that is scheduled for the last weekend in June, however, I don't think it has anything to offer.  One class about novels, but the people you can pitch to aren't interested in what I have to offer.  So I think, maybe, no.

I will let what few people this reaches know the outcome of the voting soon.

Thanks to all who have been helping!  All my love!

I gotta take out the trash...

No.  Really.  I do.

So here I am.  Come to rant about writing amongst other things.  Ugh.  I feel so sluggish and I don't just mean physically.  I mean mentally and spiritually.

Tuesday night, this past, was awesome.  I wrote.  I wrote like hell.  I wrote like crazy.  I wrote some crazy.  Then...nothing.  Well not nothing...I had a smidgen of inspiration on Wednesday, but whatevs.  I don't think it went very far.

I feel like there are so many things that are going on right now in a time when absolutely nothing is going on right now.  A recent conversation with a coworker got me thinking again on something that has plagued me for a long time.  What the hell am I doing in life?  What is my purpose?  Life as we know it, has no purpose. Sounds morbid?  Not when you think about it.  What is purpose, after all, but the reason for which something is done or for which something exists.  This is why I cannot fathom not believing in God (or any God.)  If there is nothing greater than ourselves...if we were not created by some higher power, then consciousness, not life, serves absolutely no purpose and loses all meaning.  If we die, our consciousness ceases to be and we do not move on to some other level of consciousness, be it Heaven, Hell, Gehenna, or another life, then what was the point?  To be quite frank, I find that a lot scarier than I do the concept of Hell.

So what is our purpose?  Our purpose, as my faith tells me, is to serve God.  God is my purpose and therefore his son, Christ.  Now I feel better.  Now I feel like a new energy lifts me up.

With that cleared up, what then do I do with my time here?  Crap.  Crapola.  This sucks.  Whatever I do, should be to glorify God.  So I make choices.  Do I make the wrong choices?  No.  There aren't really "wrong" choices.  It doesn't work that way.  Instead, it goes something like this: there are the choices that lead us to Him, or from Him...and some choices that put us right back where we were.  :)  If I love Archaeology, is that going to lead me away from God?  No.  At least, it doesn't have to.  If I choose to do mission trips and devote my life to such matters, does that put me closer to God?  Not at all.

So how, then, do I know what to do with my life?  Just make up your mind, dumbass.  Just make up your mind and do something.  God is with you always, so no matter what choice you make he's going with you.  What if you chose to study evolution?  That would certainly lead you away from God.  It doesn't have to.  For crying out loud, I studied evolution plenty...I tried to be Wiccan...I tried Buddhism...I tried it all...and somewhere along the line I realized that my heart was not filled by any of that and never truly doubted that God existed.  ((Interesting note, my coworker thinks that is due to the fact that I grew up in a Christian home but I beg to differ.))

Okay.  Now that I have cleared that up, I realize I can make any choice I want.  Okay.  Porn star it is.

Hahaha...no.

I can make any choice, but I have to hold myself (and nobody else) accountable for the results.  I chose to leave archaeology to get a full time job and that has put me through all sorts of hell.  My husband is finishing school and working, so one of us has to be steady.  So now, I work at Pizza Hut.  Screw me.  Screw my life.

Okay...admittedly, it isn't that bad of a job, but it is just that: a job.  Archaeology was a career.  I loved it.  I loved doing it.  I don't love my job now.  I tolerate it.  To that end, I also love writing...but as I have noted before, I cannot make a living out of it.  If I am hardwired to write and I feel as though this is something I need to be doing with my life, why do I get blocks?  Is it possible that the spiritual war that takes place around us at all times affects my writing?

I thought long and hard on this, the other night.  I thought long and hard about what could possibly be hindering my writing.  I think I know where a lot of my uncertainties, anxieties, and misconceptions about my own ability lie.  From someone who, a long time ago, took it upon themselves to completely mess with my head and spin me around so fast that I am still feeling the effects to this day.  That, however, is a story for another day.

Get it? The CRACK down?

Hahahahahahahahaha....no.  ((Quick note, to those who may still want to vote, the post you'll want to see is entitled "The Crackdown" and is the post just before this.))

At any rate.  So I have been advertising this to people who know me.  I feel kind of bad for doing this, but at the same time, if I don't get out there?  What use is keeping everything locked up.  I have this talent, or perceived talent, and I want to use it.

Lately, I have been fighting with myself on this matter.  I think I am a pretty decent writer.  I want to write, to publish my stories and put them out there.  My sister once asked me, during a "midlife" crisis of mine, what I was writing for.  Was it to get other people to like me?  To be good at something?  No.  I mean, of course I want people to like my stories.  I want to write because I have stories to tell.  Does that make it selfish?

Recently I have been on a wonderful journey with Christ.  I am attempting to pave a road of Faith, so to speak.  It is not my doing, but His.  I so often ask what God wants me to do with my life.  My life is to glorify Him.  That is it's purpose, plain and simple.  However, due to my nature as a sinner, I do things to glorify myself.  I do not believe for one moment that my writing is my own.  God created me, therefor it is His.  My struggle lies in not knowing if what I write can glorify him.  Does a story have to be about God or starring the Bible to be for God?  Whenever I ask that question, I get a little meanie voice telling me that because I am not writing "biblical" stuffs, my work is not for God and therefor worthless.  So what to do?

Still, there is something nagging at me every moment of every day that gets particularly loud when I ask the question I spoke of above.  One word, always is constantly churning in my subconsciousness:  WRITE.  That same word.  That same urge to just write.  Sometimes I have to get a post it or paper just to write.  Write what?  I don't know.  Apparently I am just hardwired to do this thing we call writing.  It is all my brain wants to do.  But I stifle it for various mentioned and unmentioned reasons.  Why?

How do I get through this struggle?  I pray and pray, but apparently am too thickheaded to hear the answer.

I do not believe for one second that God is some kind of puppet master with a pre-chosen destiny for us.  Destiny is crap.  It means we have no choice and I just don't buy into that.  God gave us free will.  We choose to love him of that gift.  Does that mean he doesn't take an active part in our lives or doesn't have things he wants us to do?  Not at all.  So this voice, inside of me, telling me to write?  Where does it come from?  Why do I stifle it?  What could have possibly happened or have been said to me that I cannot listen to it?

VOTING TIME - THE CRACKDOWN!

Okay, so I am making some adjustments to the blog.  So be patient if things look weird.

At any rate, I am going hiking this afternoon with my dog, a friend, and her dog.  Super excited.

Life is going well.  Tired at work.  Tired over all.  But still, life is good.

As for writing, I have yet again come up with various new ideas that distract me from finishing my already-in-progress works.

So here it is.  I am going to put a poll to the left about which two to focus on next.  In this blog I will describe various projects I think have great potential and will focus on two of them.  (It will really be three, total, as I am going to continue fixing Stolen Child, but since that one is "finished," it doesn't count.)  So here they are, in no particular order other than the one that came to my head FIVE to choose from.\

Book of Seas
     This is the first in a two part series: Book of Seas and Book of Lands (or Book of Places).

Judas is the son of a prominent merchant in Suyria (a totally made up city somewhere near the island of Syracuse.)  Long ago, his Father betrayed a political rival and the family of Judas' one love.  Lost to the seas, Judas forever sails in search of bringing her home.  Upon his father's death bed, he learns of a secret from ancient days and the curse of two families torn in time.  Obeying the last request of his father, Judas inherits a treasure of the ages that will lead him to the secret of his father's sins.

               What is awesome about this story:  This story takes place during the Byzantine Empire.  It has Byzantine/Greek ships and PIRATES.  I was wanting to do a "pirate" story, but thought that pirates like Jack Sparrow, while incredibly hot and awesome, are overdone.  Pirates have been around for ages.  I also thought that seeing as there was some mystical aspect to the story, it would be fun to put it into ancient times, so why not my favourite era of time ever?
               Issues with this story:  Like so many of my stories, I can't figure out this one's purpose...or exactly what it is they're hunting.  Where do the sword-maps lead them?  What secret is there to find?  I'm leaning towards a biblical aspect on this, but haven't figured out exactly where they're going yet.  I only know the journey.  Perhaps the destination will come with time.

Most inspiring song - 

Regency Story
     This is a one part story inspired by a Loreena McKennitt song (like so much of my work) and my love of all things Regency.  (And yet I've never read Jane Austen.)

Nash has been away from his home for years.  Legally, he has been declared dead.  Now his father is ill and he must return.  When he returns, he finds himself employed in the services of his childhood love.  Realizing that neither of their love has died over the years and with marriage to another childhood friend impending, does he step forward and reclaim his fortune or allow her life to move forward unhindered?

              What is awesome about this story:  Regency.  Is there more awesomeness than that?  Well, also: Nash is played by Tom Hiddleston in my head with his competition, Nicholas, played by Adrian Paul.

VERSUS

My heart can't take it.

               Issues with this story:   Once again, I have a list of things I know will happen, but the end result is making me tear my hair out.  I love this story very much.  This is one of my favourite stories.  I have a million ways I could go, but I don't know how to end it.

Most inspiring song - 

The "Old West" Story on the coast of Maine

     This is taking place during the 1800sish in a small town on the coast of Maine, starring Jeremy Irons and Karl Urban.  

In the past - John Dakota and Wyatt Storm have been friends for ages.  Wyatt the outgoing go-getter and John the strict, maybe-I'll-bend-the-rules-just-this-once lawman.  With the impending arrival of the yearly storm that hits this town, John and Wyatt find themselves torn between the mysterious Elza.

In the Future - Dakota Hill and Wyatt Horn have been friends for ages.  Wyatt the outgoing go-getter and Dakota the strict, maybe-I'll-bend-the-rules-just-this-once lawman.  With the impending arrival of the yearly storm that hits this town, Dakota and Wyatt find themselves once again torn between the mysterious Elza.  

History repeats itself.

               What is awesome about this story:  Westerns!  Maine!  Curse!  I actually know how it will end!  I like this story for the friendship between Wyatt and John (Wyatt and Dakota, take your pick).  It was inspired by a Gaelic Storm song on their new album Boathouse.  Damn good album.  At any rate, I like the story between the two a lot.  I know where it will go and it has good potential.

               Issues with this story:  I still haven't worked out some of the curse details.  For instance, the curse is caused by a witch, it has something to do with Elza, who, SPOILER, is not the witch, and jealousy.  That's about all I have.  So while I have the details and the ending, I don't have the MEAT, so to speak.

Most inspiring song unavailable - Sorry.

Visit www.gaelicstorm.com to find it.  

Guardians
     A story about what guardian angels really are and about their struggles and finding the truth of your feelings and yourself.

Asriel and Neri are descendants of the Nephilim.  Many of these descendants choose the lives of being Guardians.  They push or pull us in the right direction according to His Will.  They help in times of need.  However, there are strict rules.  Compassion and Love are standard needs, however, relationships are forbidden.  Asriel realizes that his emotions for Neri will lead him on a path from God and chooses to "fall".  This is a choice given to any guardian to be taken at any time.  A guardian may choose to lead this life and be given a mortal life, full of sin but with the chance to follow Christ as any mortal has.  Knowing that the alternative falls (those without choice) rarely lead back to Grace, Asriel leaves Neri and looks to a mortal life.

Heartbroken and torn by her own feelings, Neri remains.  On a happenstance mission, she sees Asriel in his mortal life being pulled far from Grace.  Out of guilt and fear, she pursues a path that could lead to her own destruction in order to bring Asriel back to Grace.

               What is awesome about this story:  It seems like your typical City of Bones/Twilight story.  Trying to not be that, however.  This is my opportunity to open up about faith and life's choices.  SPOILER - She won't get together with Asriel.  It isn't about that.  God calls her to other things.  This book has some good potential, in my opinion.

               Issues with this story:  Again I have an ending and no beef.  I know where she will end up.  I know things that need to happen.  But not entirely sure about the road to get there.

Most inspiring music - 

Idavoll
     This is my viking gods story I created a long time ago and the one that has been the defining moment of my writing, so to speak.  It is the story that prompted so many others.

Rinoa (name subject to change) is the daughter of archaeologists who ran a dig near the town of Idavoll, Norway.  When they died, she passed to the care of her creeper cousin David.  Desperate to follow in the footsteps of her parents, Rinoa does everything she can to follow their work.

She has been to Idavoll many times.  Something is different this year.  Something is different in the air.  After Rinoa meets a charismatic man going by the name Dirk Vali she becomes even more intrigued with him and his brother Vidar.  After learning from the grocer that Vidar was the one to pull her from the well and allow for her parents to adopt her, she begins a journey to the realization of just who and what she really is.

               What is awesome about this story:  Vikings.  Viking Gods.  Do I have to say more than that?  Yes...ARCHAEOLOGY!  There are all sorts of things going on here that rock.  The initial story was "finished" but I was making a second round to weed out all of the inconsistencies and Mary Sue tendencies.  The second round was proving awesome.

               Issues with this story:  So I know that no matter how hard we try, there are always plot holes.  Whatevs.  I'm just trying to avoid gaping ones.  Many of these fall into the "Whys" and the "What purpose does that character serve?"  So it needs work.

Most inspiring song - 

Well, there you have it!  Consider carefully!  Vote, and please comment and let me know what you think and why!

So, it's been a while...

Well, it has been. Doggy is good! He is naughty, but actually not near as naughty as a pup could be! Getting so big!!

At any rate, I'm writing and that is good. Good, at least, in that I am writing. Bad, because I am rabidly writing something that is a completely fresh idea. Darn you dream! Again, it came from a dream.

You know, I love my dreams that way. Then they are always interesting. They always keep me on my toes. However, then they always tell good stories that I want to share. It's a vicious cycle.

I've coined some new terms while I am writing this latest. I have decided to call the "chapters" I am writing right now "skeleton chapters" and the draft, not a rough draft, but a "skeleton draft."  Why? Well, here's the thing; these aren't even worthy to call a rough draft or chapter. They are bare bones minimum, lacking the meat and fullness that most rough drafts have. They have nothing to them save a very light bit of thought that I will expand into a rough draft. This is stupid, you might say. A rough draft is a rough draft. Well, I tell you: NO! Really, if this was actual meat, and it was all you had to eat for the rest of the year, you'd cry.

I feel, however, this story could strike a few cords with people and I foresee it getting a lot of flack.  It has a lot in the plot that could be considered social commentary, and well, when you do that...the trolls come out to get you. 

The world does not view itself the way I do and I am really writing this from my hardest of hearts. So I realize that people are going to say things like "that's a bad worldview" or "your portrayal of this is inaccurate at best." I say, go find me a book of a similar nature that is completely accurate.

I don't know. I feel very strongly like God is pushing me to write this. I don't know if I'm accurately portraying what He wants me to, but I pray I am. So, cross your fingers, say a prayer, and hope for the best!

You few who follow me, are awesome!

Day whatever...

I think things are going to be fine. Both mommy and puppy need to learn. Mommy is worried about over doing her sternness. But Dougal is definitely a dominant personality. It will take a bit to find the right balance.

I posted on Facebook tonight. "Your true friends will help you search for your dog's poo at night." Dougal is a blessing in so many ways. He brings people together. Who doesn't love a puppy? He loves mama, even if he would rather be pack leader. He loves daddy, and will usurp him someday...suuurrre. It makes you learn a lot of great life lessons and preps you for the eventual human babies you will one day have.

Of course I know that I have only had him for a few days, but that's a lot of learning in four days. I've learned about me a lot. I am truly blessed to have God give me such great experiences as I am having now.

As for writing, well, I've got a good feeling that there will be many a good works coming as I grow.

For now, enjoy:

Day 3

Eventually I will stop giving a diary about my dog. But it is an adventure. 

Lets just say that last night was horrid. Poor baby has a parasite.  Nothing bad, but it is one of those things already in a dog and makes an infection during stress. What's more stressful than going to a new home and being away from your family for the first time?

Dougal is doing well though. He is kind of a turd sometimes.  He seems to be the more dominant type and tries to test his bounds. This is most annoying when we take him potty.  He flops to the ground and won't get up. Like I said...turd. 

It was his first day all day in the crate. He whined a bit, but I think he did okay.

I worry about how he will do tomorrow, but time will tell. Prayers are welcome and needed.

Day 2

So day too went okay. We ha a few accidents but he seems to be understanding his crate time a bit better. He will start training tomorrow, though not official. I've still got to hear back from the puppy kindergarten lady. 

Thus far his biggest brat moment is when you take him out and he lies down. I'm not sure how to stop this yet, but we'll see. 

Ugh. Well, mama needs a good sleep, so that is all for now!

He did do very well last night, I will say that. Prayers please!

Day 1

Omg. Chris and I both feel as though we've had an entire weekend in one day!! Holy cow!

It has been an adventure in puppy care today. Dougal is the dominant type I think, so training will be rough. 

Now he's all tuckered out. He isn't used to his crate yet. So tonight will be spent in the bathroom gated off from all carpet. We will set alarms to take him out, sure, but this way, accidents are easier to clean. 

Well, wish us luck!

Overlord

Blasted autocorrect! No the title wasn't supposed to be anything different, but I thought of all those annoying autocorrect issues when trying to decide the title. 

How do you remember things? I have a hell of a time sometimes and just when I think I have done well, there comes a list of things I have forgotten. Ugh, really?why is it like that? Why does our brain get to decide what is short term and long term? Why don't I own my brain and why does it own me?

Argh.

If you can't tell, the frustration is ridiculously high lately and my anxiety, worse. I feel like I just can't focus and that my life is spinning around me.

The good news is that as of this coming Saturday, I will be a mommy to aNewfoundland  Bernese mix! That's right! I'm talking about a dog! My baby comes to me Saturday and I am eager for his arrival! It cannot come soon enough. However, I am nervous! I am nervous that I will not be a good enough mommy. There is so much that goes in to training a well behaved dog. What if I fail?

How do you deal with these frustrations and worries? How do you cope?

I must rely on God. Thus far I have made him too small. I know that I can rely on God in all things. But doesn't that stop the worries? Not sure. When I find the answer, I'll let you know.

Nap time.

Is it nap time yet? I really want to play bioshock. And the sims. Can I just leave? I really don't want to finish this task. I can't wait until we get a puppy. I shouldn't be blogging at work. Thank god the boss is gone today. It sucks the boss is gone today. I have a lot of questions. I wish my bangs would cooperate. I need to get a chi. Damn I'm sleepy. I think this lady is cheating us on these invoices. Where can I find these? I wonder how late we will get to Lake City. Is it time to leave yet? Man I wish I could leave early.

Welcome to Friday Brain. What you've just experienced is the last 60 seconds of thoughts in my head.  Currently I am ready for a vacation. This weekend will be a bit of one, but I fear it will be over too soon. 

My muse is at it again. Nothing productive. Only feeding me new ideas. Seriously. It's like a new idea every hour. She's killing me.

Does she have some kind of muse ADHD or something? 

Now would be the perfect time to fall into Middle Earth or somewhere. I bet I would lose a lot of weight. That would be awesome. The only good thing about my enlarged belly is that I can pass myself off as pregnant and ppl won't think twice. Horrible, I know, but man I need to eat better. I bet I would have more energy then.

You know, since I have gotten this new job, life has been easier to focus on the non work things. I wonder why that is. Maybe I am just growing in general. (Jen, you're blogging at work. )  Okay, first, shush you!!! Second, this is my first I am not focusing so well at work day in months.  Pretty good if you ask me. The biggest problem is that my boss is gone and I have to pace everything slow enough or run out if things to do.

Balls. 

Well, until then, I shall try my best to EARN my pay. See you all later!!

Michael Ironside

So I just love that man. Doesn't everybody? 

I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds and he was on it oh too briefly! That led me to look things up on IMDB and somewhere between Criminal Minds and Tom Hardy, my attention turned to Riddick. The new movie shall certainly be enjoyable. However I am certain by the description I have already seen it. Where, you might ask? In the first two films. I'm pretty sure the writers just made a baby of those films. Will I enjoy it? Of course! I like watching those movies now. I will enjoy them again.

Why are there so few hrs in the day? I want to do so much. I want to procrastinate and still have enough time to do all of these things after. I think this is my biggest complaint. 

And then there are the things that I need to do. Responsibilities and chores. Feck. When am I supposed to do them all? Since when do I have to be an adult.

Adulthood, you suck. Michael Ironside, you rock. Tom Hardy, you're hot.

Ocelot!

So here I am again, turning this blog into a space where I whine about not being able to write. Did I ever stop to think that the only thing keeping me from writing is, well, me? (On a quick side note, why does the autocorrect on my phone always think I want to say "we'll" when I type "well?")

Still, in all honesty, there is nothing to stop me from going home and writing. It is done with ease. I just clean up and go home. Then I explain to my boss why my stories are far more important than my work. In reality, I hold these stories in a much higher regard than I do my job. Why then, do I not simply make my writing a priority?

For many reasons, I say. I must pay my bills. I must eat. I must style my hair like Jennifer Love-Hewitt. If I were to allow myself to engage in all of my desires free will, I would likely be dead by now, having starved on the street.

My faith works in the same way as my writing; while it is most important to me, I find that I am unwilling to put my faith before my worldly needs and desires. When you think about this, it seems kind of stupid. If Christ is my Lord and Saviour, and I put all trust in him then surely he will not let me starve on the street, right?

It doesn't work like that. I must put Christ before all things, this is correct. However, he is not going to give me everything on a silver platter. In truth, he is far more likely to take that silver platter away from me.

Why, then, do I strive to follow Him and not just cheer him on? Because I know that at the end of all things, he offers everlasting love and paradise. Not some vacation place with skis and bikinis, but a place where I am at peace and always at his side.

That really sounds like fun? Yah, sure, you betcha! A place where I no longer have to toil or ache? Uh, DUH!

Doesn't that make your stories and the like worthless? No. We are made on God's image. God is creator of all things. By telling my stories I am creating, this I am mirroring God.

Where is all of this leading? To the conclusion that God gave me a wonderful gift an I am wasting it. This is foolish and I must begin to prioritize to do the things God has asked me to do.

God asked you to write? He gave me this talent, didn't he? I only pray that my writing, whether successful or not, published or unpublished, gives glory to him.

End rant for today. Also...that's right!! I did all of that on my iPhone! Woot!

So here it is...

Who had direction in college?

I don't mean from your advisers and the like.  I mean you had an idea of your future and you worked towards it, even if that plan changed a little or a lot, you weren't just listlessly floating in the collegiate abyss.

I have met a few of these floaters in my time.  They dream of doing this or that, they seem to know exactly what they want in life...but they have no ambition or direction to go get it.  Perhaps at some point even I was one of them.  I can't say one way or the other, but I would like to think that I always had a smidgen of direction. 

Perhaps it is just the changes in my life that is making me contemplate such things.  I got married in December.  Directly upon our return in January, we were hit with a very frightening financial crisis.  I had been loosely looking for a steady job since before the wedding, but my search was now becoming more serious.  I have a husband to help support.  I want to diet and lose weight.  I have interviews.  I have to clean the house.  I have to be supportive to my husband.  I have to be a wife.

As you can imagine, the stress piled up on me to the point where it actually started manifesting physically.  I was scared out of my wits because I had no understanding of what was going on.  My symptoms were very similar to those of a heart attack.  Not the horrible chest pain and numbness of the arm, but the chest tightness, heartburn...all of the like.  So finally I went to the doctor. 

I knew it wasn't a heart attack.  I knew that it was anxiety and stress causing the pain.  Still, better to be safe than sorry.  Everything checked out perfect, as it usually does when I go to the doctor.  So still no answer, but only a theory. 

Today I had a follow up.  This time the doctor focused more on my digestive tract.  He believes I am somewhere between GERD and Gastritis.  This isn't great, but it isn't that good either.  The doctor thinks I likely had it developing and it was enhanced and heightened by the super stress.

It is nice to have something to say it is.  At least I can reassure myself this way.  To be safe, they drew blood and will run some tests, but he is confident it is as he said.

So what does that have to do with direction? 

All my life I wanted to be an archaeologist.  I've known that since I was a child.  At the age of 6 I could say Australopithecus and explain to you how evolution went from Austrolopithecenes to Homo Habilis. 

Suddenly I am taking a desk job.  This is a large chapter in my life.  Priorities have changed.  I have changed.  My direction has not.

O Great and Most Sacred Pascha

If anyone hasn't noticed, my titles usually have nothing to do with the context...at least not always.  this one is the song I have on repeat right now "O Great and Most Sacred Pascha" (Pascha=Passover, I think) and it is preformed by Cappella Romana & Alexander Lingas on the album Music of Byzantium.

At any rate, I am here to clear my head and muse for a bit as I cannot seem to focus.

My muse is stirring great ideas in my mind for Book of Seas and as of the moment she is currently poking me saying "You should write...you should write...hey!  You should write!"  I would love to do this but soil profiles are attempting to demand my time. 

Often, I am one to daydream and entertain such wild fancies that they can never be true.  O how sweet and torturous this can be!  I lament that such things can never come to pass. 

Okay, now I am annoyed...my muse is coming out right here! Save that lovely wording for Book of Seas!

On another note, I have been exchanging critiques with a good friend of mine.  We have given each other the first chapter of our works and are proceeding to tear them apart.  I feel so horrible when I do this because I know I sound arrogant and snarky: the Rodney McKay of editing!  So what to do?  I was once told, and rightly so, that whenever someone edits your work the first goal of an editor is to get you to write like them.  How true this is! 

We were discussing things we disagreed with in each others comments and I could not help but think of this.  All that she has learned has taught her that it is okay to have "he said/she said" all of the time and she told me the basis for this notion.  A very logical basis it was.  I, on the other hand, have been taught to replace the "he said/she said" with actions or the like as it brings both an image to mind and can illustrate the intended emotion of some dialogue.  Her reasoning is that it can also disconnect the reader from the story.  At length, we determined that a nice happy medium was needed to achieve "perfection." 

What about all of you writers out there?  Any thoughts on such things?  Feel free to throw out advice on the aforementioned issue as well as other things you have learned about writing.  Ages past proved much harder to write as resources and printing was limited.  Often your first copy was your final draft.  Nowadays, it has become an art of it's own nature.  One method does not work for all, both reader and author.  Now we have so many tools at our disposal with which to create many drafts and versions.  Does our original work get lost in translation somewhere? 

Take St. Augustine's the City of God.  I do so love this work and find it utterly fascinating.  However, I also find that he repeats the same point various ways as he writes.  Sometimes I wish he'd had an editor at his disposal, or at least a version of Microsoft Word!  Still, the work itself is beautiful and makes a point very well.  Do we let our editing and drafting rule us?  What do you think?

Okay, now I really have to get back to work!  My brain feels better now though!

Jennifer Love-Hewitt's Hair.

I have finally figured out how to get my hair similar to how her hair is in Ghost Whisperer.  YAY!  Granted, it takes lots of planning and doing, but SOOOOO worth it!

Anyway, that out of my system,'

Why is it that we trust spell and grammar check?  It's about as intuitive as a piece of wood.  Really.  One is simply unable to write beautifully constructed sentences or create fantasy worlds and people without those rotten red squigglies everywhere!  AAAAAAGH!!!

I am a writer!  I am an artist whose mediums is word!  The words I place on a page paint an image of something so surreal and beautiful it cannot be grasped by mortal man, yet they  will strive to obtain the beauty within my pages.

I am so full of crap.

I'm laughing to myself now.  That was funny.  At any rate, I should actually be writing. I just thought I would update the images on my blog and complain about spell check a little. 

 Peace Out!

Leave me alone advertisements!

Just yelling at the "do this or thats" of Google and many other internet things.  You know how they always pop up and say "You can do this with that!" and such?  Annoying.

Anyway, I want to write something today, because I haven't in a very long time.  Maybe that is because I was planning a very successful wedding!  Woot!  I am now a MARRIED woman!  My husband is amazing.  He is phenomenal! I am so lucky to be married to this wonderful man!

I haven't written anything else in a while either.  But now with the planning done, I intend to pick it up once more.  Though typing with the fake nails I got for the wedding is proving very difficult!

So anyway, a few thoughts on weddings.  First, go ahead and pay attention to every little detail.....IF you can remember that they don't matter as much as the fact that you are getting married.  What, you may ask?  I mean that if you want every little detail perfect, go ahead and plan every little detail.  Just remember that if it doesn't turn out exactly as you wanted, it may be better! 

I had a few things go wrong.  I could have flipped out but didn't.  Save your "bridezilla" moments for the important things.  Like when the hotel has put all the groomsmen next to your room and they're up at 1am going in and out of their room, making noise and talking with a loud TV.  Feel free to send a nasty text message to your Best Man at this point who, as such a good friend, will understand and get them to STFU! 

OR, his phone will have died and they will have magically shut up anyway.  He will then, in great humor, read the text message once his phone has recharged and proceed to laugh his rear end off.

Make sure that everyone knows there are certain things that should and should NOT be told to the bride.  On the list of things to tell her, CHANGES in anything.  Do not surprise her with changes.  Would you rather have a bridezilla rant on you or in public? 

Avoid telling her any negative comments until after the wedding.  Usually it is a good idea to keep most of these to yourself anyway.  I didn't really have any negative comments, but a couple of things were said and told to me at the wrong time.  It is a very emotional time for a bride.  You never know what is going to bother or not.

As the bride, BE MELLOW!  Let things go and trust everyone to do what they are going to do!  Nothing ever turns out like it does in your head!  It turns out BETTER!  I trusted my guys to get their tuxs, they did.  The same for my girls and their dresses.  I trusted the vendors to do their jobs, and they did, so much better than what I imagined!

At any rate, the important thing is now...I am a wife.  I am wife to the most loving, caring, and sweet husband anyone could ask for.

The End

The Nameless City

So I had a dream, the likes of which I have before, where my boss, myself, and a few of my Archaeological colleagues discovered something cool.  This time we were in muddy mountains and discovered a secret city.  Pretty cool huh?  My boss thought so too.  His response was "Cool!  Write a story about it so I can read it."

Crap.

Double crap.

Triple crap.

A large portion of pig dookie with a side of horse crap.

Do you realize what this means?  It means that while I am supposed to be working on Book of Seas and touching up Stolen Child, I am now pounding away something new.  Don't get me wrong.  I am enjoying the large amounts of what I deem AWESOMENESS that is being produced from this.  However, I have other things I need to do...such as finish writing those blasted thank yous for my shower. 

Oh well.  You know what?  I WANT to write.  I want to produce something incredibly awesome.  I hope that this turns into something really cool and that maybe I can submit it.  We will see. 

I know I have spoken about how music inspires me and how I constantly find new music to write to but this time it is killing me!  The music I have been using to inspire this mostly comes from Lisa Gerrard's album The Mirror Pool.  It also reminds me of H.P. Lovecraft.  So a lot of my influences for this story are coming from Lovecraft's short stories...particularly the Nameless City.  The mystery surrounding his works is exactly the sort of environment I wish to create with this new story.

 I have absolutely no clue where this story will lead and who will live and who will die.  Considering that these people are my co-workers I am a little concerned what I do with the characters that are slightly reflecting them.  On one hand, I just can't see a character living or remaining so with their sanity intact with this kind of theme.  On the other hand, I don't want them to kill me. 

Choices choices.  Lets be honest here?  How many of our characters draw upon elements of those around us?  We certainly put ourselves into our own stories...what about others?