Hahahahahahahahaha....no. ((Quick note, to those who may still want to vote, the post you'll want to see is entitled "The Crackdown" and is the post just before this.))
At any rate. So I have been advertising this to people who know me. I feel kind of bad for doing this, but at the same time, if I don't get out there? What use is keeping everything locked up. I have this talent, or perceived talent, and I want to use it.
Lately, I have been fighting with myself on this matter. I think I am a pretty decent writer. I want to write, to publish my stories and put them out there. My sister once asked me, during a "midlife" crisis of mine, what I was writing for. Was it to get other people to like me? To be good at something? No. I mean, of course I want people to like my stories. I want to write because I have stories to tell. Does that make it selfish?
Recently I have been on a wonderful journey with Christ. I am attempting to pave a road of Faith, so to speak. It is not my doing, but His. I so often ask what God wants me to do with my life. My life is to glorify Him. That is it's purpose, plain and simple. However, due to my nature as a sinner, I do things to glorify myself. I do not believe for one moment that my writing is my own. God created me, therefor it is His. My struggle lies in not knowing if what I write can glorify him. Does a story have to be about God or starring the Bible to be for God? Whenever I ask that question, I get a little meanie voice telling me that because I am not writing "biblical" stuffs, my work is not for God and therefor worthless. So what to do?
Still, there is something nagging at me every moment of every day that gets particularly loud when I ask the question I spoke of above. One word, always is constantly churning in my subconsciousness: WRITE. That same word. That same urge to just write. Sometimes I have to get a post it or paper just to write. Write what? I don't know. Apparently I am just hardwired to do this thing we call writing. It is all my brain wants to do. But I stifle it for various mentioned and unmentioned reasons. Why?
How do I get through this struggle? I pray and pray, but apparently am too thickheaded to hear the answer.
I do not believe for one second that God is some kind of puppet master with a pre-chosen destiny for us. Destiny is crap. It means we have no choice and I just don't buy into that. God gave us free will. We choose to love him of that gift. Does that mean he doesn't take an active part in our lives or doesn't have things he wants us to do? Not at all. So this voice, inside of me, telling me to write? Where does it come from? Why do I stifle it? What could have possibly happened or have been said to me that I cannot listen to it?
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