Moving

So I can totally feel God moving in my life now.  I know that I am taking a big step forward and am heading towards leading a life that is for Him.

WOOO!

It feels so much better.  Work has issues, but that will be fixed.  Life is full of trials, but with God I can get through all things!

One of the stories I have is reflecting that.  So votes have been coming in, and we are going to have a final decision soon.  I need to get out there and start advertising myself as a writer.  How do I do this?  I have no clue.

There was a Writer's Workshop that is scheduled for the last weekend in June, however, I don't think it has anything to offer.  One class about novels, but the people you can pitch to aren't interested in what I have to offer.  So I think, maybe, no.

I will let what few people this reaches know the outcome of the voting soon.

Thanks to all who have been helping!  All my love!

I gotta take out the trash...

No.  Really.  I do.

So here I am.  Come to rant about writing amongst other things.  Ugh.  I feel so sluggish and I don't just mean physically.  I mean mentally and spiritually.

Tuesday night, this past, was awesome.  I wrote.  I wrote like hell.  I wrote like crazy.  I wrote some crazy.  Then...nothing.  Well not nothing...I had a smidgen of inspiration on Wednesday, but whatevs.  I don't think it went very far.

I feel like there are so many things that are going on right now in a time when absolutely nothing is going on right now.  A recent conversation with a coworker got me thinking again on something that has plagued me for a long time.  What the hell am I doing in life?  What is my purpose?  Life as we know it, has no purpose. Sounds morbid?  Not when you think about it.  What is purpose, after all, but the reason for which something is done or for which something exists.  This is why I cannot fathom not believing in God (or any God.)  If there is nothing greater than ourselves...if we were not created by some higher power, then consciousness, not life, serves absolutely no purpose and loses all meaning.  If we die, our consciousness ceases to be and we do not move on to some other level of consciousness, be it Heaven, Hell, Gehenna, or another life, then what was the point?  To be quite frank, I find that a lot scarier than I do the concept of Hell.

So what is our purpose?  Our purpose, as my faith tells me, is to serve God.  God is my purpose and therefore his son, Christ.  Now I feel better.  Now I feel like a new energy lifts me up.

With that cleared up, what then do I do with my time here?  Crap.  Crapola.  This sucks.  Whatever I do, should be to glorify God.  So I make choices.  Do I make the wrong choices?  No.  There aren't really "wrong" choices.  It doesn't work that way.  Instead, it goes something like this: there are the choices that lead us to Him, or from Him...and some choices that put us right back where we were.  :)  If I love Archaeology, is that going to lead me away from God?  No.  At least, it doesn't have to.  If I choose to do mission trips and devote my life to such matters, does that put me closer to God?  Not at all.

So how, then, do I know what to do with my life?  Just make up your mind, dumbass.  Just make up your mind and do something.  God is with you always, so no matter what choice you make he's going with you.  What if you chose to study evolution?  That would certainly lead you away from God.  It doesn't have to.  For crying out loud, I studied evolution plenty...I tried to be Wiccan...I tried Buddhism...I tried it all...and somewhere along the line I realized that my heart was not filled by any of that and never truly doubted that God existed.  ((Interesting note, my coworker thinks that is due to the fact that I grew up in a Christian home but I beg to differ.))

Okay.  Now that I have cleared that up, I realize I can make any choice I want.  Okay.  Porn star it is.

Hahaha...no.

I can make any choice, but I have to hold myself (and nobody else) accountable for the results.  I chose to leave archaeology to get a full time job and that has put me through all sorts of hell.  My husband is finishing school and working, so one of us has to be steady.  So now, I work at Pizza Hut.  Screw me.  Screw my life.

Okay...admittedly, it isn't that bad of a job, but it is just that: a job.  Archaeology was a career.  I loved it.  I loved doing it.  I don't love my job now.  I tolerate it.  To that end, I also love writing...but as I have noted before, I cannot make a living out of it.  If I am hardwired to write and I feel as though this is something I need to be doing with my life, why do I get blocks?  Is it possible that the spiritual war that takes place around us at all times affects my writing?

I thought long and hard on this, the other night.  I thought long and hard about what could possibly be hindering my writing.  I think I know where a lot of my uncertainties, anxieties, and misconceptions about my own ability lie.  From someone who, a long time ago, took it upon themselves to completely mess with my head and spin me around so fast that I am still feeling the effects to this day.  That, however, is a story for another day.

Get it? The CRACK down?

Hahahahahahahahaha....no.  ((Quick note, to those who may still want to vote, the post you'll want to see is entitled "The Crackdown" and is the post just before this.))

At any rate.  So I have been advertising this to people who know me.  I feel kind of bad for doing this, but at the same time, if I don't get out there?  What use is keeping everything locked up.  I have this talent, or perceived talent, and I want to use it.

Lately, I have been fighting with myself on this matter.  I think I am a pretty decent writer.  I want to write, to publish my stories and put them out there.  My sister once asked me, during a "midlife" crisis of mine, what I was writing for.  Was it to get other people to like me?  To be good at something?  No.  I mean, of course I want people to like my stories.  I want to write because I have stories to tell.  Does that make it selfish?

Recently I have been on a wonderful journey with Christ.  I am attempting to pave a road of Faith, so to speak.  It is not my doing, but His.  I so often ask what God wants me to do with my life.  My life is to glorify Him.  That is it's purpose, plain and simple.  However, due to my nature as a sinner, I do things to glorify myself.  I do not believe for one moment that my writing is my own.  God created me, therefor it is His.  My struggle lies in not knowing if what I write can glorify him.  Does a story have to be about God or starring the Bible to be for God?  Whenever I ask that question, I get a little meanie voice telling me that because I am not writing "biblical" stuffs, my work is not for God and therefor worthless.  So what to do?

Still, there is something nagging at me every moment of every day that gets particularly loud when I ask the question I spoke of above.  One word, always is constantly churning in my subconsciousness:  WRITE.  That same word.  That same urge to just write.  Sometimes I have to get a post it or paper just to write.  Write what?  I don't know.  Apparently I am just hardwired to do this thing we call writing.  It is all my brain wants to do.  But I stifle it for various mentioned and unmentioned reasons.  Why?

How do I get through this struggle?  I pray and pray, but apparently am too thickheaded to hear the answer.

I do not believe for one second that God is some kind of puppet master with a pre-chosen destiny for us.  Destiny is crap.  It means we have no choice and I just don't buy into that.  God gave us free will.  We choose to love him of that gift.  Does that mean he doesn't take an active part in our lives or doesn't have things he wants us to do?  Not at all.  So this voice, inside of me, telling me to write?  Where does it come from?  Why do I stifle it?  What could have possibly happened or have been said to me that I cannot listen to it?

VOTING TIME - THE CRACKDOWN!

Okay, so I am making some adjustments to the blog.  So be patient if things look weird.

At any rate, I am going hiking this afternoon with my dog, a friend, and her dog.  Super excited.

Life is going well.  Tired at work.  Tired over all.  But still, life is good.

As for writing, I have yet again come up with various new ideas that distract me from finishing my already-in-progress works.

So here it is.  I am going to put a poll to the left about which two to focus on next.  In this blog I will describe various projects I think have great potential and will focus on two of them.  (It will really be three, total, as I am going to continue fixing Stolen Child, but since that one is "finished," it doesn't count.)  So here they are, in no particular order other than the one that came to my head FIVE to choose from.\

Book of Seas
     This is the first in a two part series: Book of Seas and Book of Lands (or Book of Places).

Judas is the son of a prominent merchant in Suyria (a totally made up city somewhere near the island of Syracuse.)  Long ago, his Father betrayed a political rival and the family of Judas' one love.  Lost to the seas, Judas forever sails in search of bringing her home.  Upon his father's death bed, he learns of a secret from ancient days and the curse of two families torn in time.  Obeying the last request of his father, Judas inherits a treasure of the ages that will lead him to the secret of his father's sins.

               What is awesome about this story:  This story takes place during the Byzantine Empire.  It has Byzantine/Greek ships and PIRATES.  I was wanting to do a "pirate" story, but thought that pirates like Jack Sparrow, while incredibly hot and awesome, are overdone.  Pirates have been around for ages.  I also thought that seeing as there was some mystical aspect to the story, it would be fun to put it into ancient times, so why not my favourite era of time ever?
               Issues with this story:  Like so many of my stories, I can't figure out this one's purpose...or exactly what it is they're hunting.  Where do the sword-maps lead them?  What secret is there to find?  I'm leaning towards a biblical aspect on this, but haven't figured out exactly where they're going yet.  I only know the journey.  Perhaps the destination will come with time.

Most inspiring song - 

Regency Story
     This is a one part story inspired by a Loreena McKennitt song (like so much of my work) and my love of all things Regency.  (And yet I've never read Jane Austen.)

Nash has been away from his home for years.  Legally, he has been declared dead.  Now his father is ill and he must return.  When he returns, he finds himself employed in the services of his childhood love.  Realizing that neither of their love has died over the years and with marriage to another childhood friend impending, does he step forward and reclaim his fortune or allow her life to move forward unhindered?

              What is awesome about this story:  Regency.  Is there more awesomeness than that?  Well, also: Nash is played by Tom Hiddleston in my head with his competition, Nicholas, played by Adrian Paul.

VERSUS

My heart can't take it.

               Issues with this story:   Once again, I have a list of things I know will happen, but the end result is making me tear my hair out.  I love this story very much.  This is one of my favourite stories.  I have a million ways I could go, but I don't know how to end it.

Most inspiring song - 

The "Old West" Story on the coast of Maine

     This is taking place during the 1800sish in a small town on the coast of Maine, starring Jeremy Irons and Karl Urban.  

In the past - John Dakota and Wyatt Storm have been friends for ages.  Wyatt the outgoing go-getter and John the strict, maybe-I'll-bend-the-rules-just-this-once lawman.  With the impending arrival of the yearly storm that hits this town, John and Wyatt find themselves torn between the mysterious Elza.

In the Future - Dakota Hill and Wyatt Horn have been friends for ages.  Wyatt the outgoing go-getter and Dakota the strict, maybe-I'll-bend-the-rules-just-this-once lawman.  With the impending arrival of the yearly storm that hits this town, Dakota and Wyatt find themselves once again torn between the mysterious Elza.  

History repeats itself.

               What is awesome about this story:  Westerns!  Maine!  Curse!  I actually know how it will end!  I like this story for the friendship between Wyatt and John (Wyatt and Dakota, take your pick).  It was inspired by a Gaelic Storm song on their new album Boathouse.  Damn good album.  At any rate, I like the story between the two a lot.  I know where it will go and it has good potential.

               Issues with this story:  I still haven't worked out some of the curse details.  For instance, the curse is caused by a witch, it has something to do with Elza, who, SPOILER, is not the witch, and jealousy.  That's about all I have.  So while I have the details and the ending, I don't have the MEAT, so to speak.

Most inspiring song unavailable - Sorry.

Visit www.gaelicstorm.com to find it.  

Guardians
     A story about what guardian angels really are and about their struggles and finding the truth of your feelings and yourself.

Asriel and Neri are descendants of the Nephilim.  Many of these descendants choose the lives of being Guardians.  They push or pull us in the right direction according to His Will.  They help in times of need.  However, there are strict rules.  Compassion and Love are standard needs, however, relationships are forbidden.  Asriel realizes that his emotions for Neri will lead him on a path from God and chooses to "fall".  This is a choice given to any guardian to be taken at any time.  A guardian may choose to lead this life and be given a mortal life, full of sin but with the chance to follow Christ as any mortal has.  Knowing that the alternative falls (those without choice) rarely lead back to Grace, Asriel leaves Neri and looks to a mortal life.

Heartbroken and torn by her own feelings, Neri remains.  On a happenstance mission, she sees Asriel in his mortal life being pulled far from Grace.  Out of guilt and fear, she pursues a path that could lead to her own destruction in order to bring Asriel back to Grace.

               What is awesome about this story:  It seems like your typical City of Bones/Twilight story.  Trying to not be that, however.  This is my opportunity to open up about faith and life's choices.  SPOILER - She won't get together with Asriel.  It isn't about that.  God calls her to other things.  This book has some good potential, in my opinion.

               Issues with this story:  Again I have an ending and no beef.  I know where she will end up.  I know things that need to happen.  But not entirely sure about the road to get there.

Most inspiring music - 

Idavoll
     This is my viking gods story I created a long time ago and the one that has been the defining moment of my writing, so to speak.  It is the story that prompted so many others.

Rinoa (name subject to change) is the daughter of archaeologists who ran a dig near the town of Idavoll, Norway.  When they died, she passed to the care of her creeper cousin David.  Desperate to follow in the footsteps of her parents, Rinoa does everything she can to follow their work.

She has been to Idavoll many times.  Something is different this year.  Something is different in the air.  After Rinoa meets a charismatic man going by the name Dirk Vali she becomes even more intrigued with him and his brother Vidar.  After learning from the grocer that Vidar was the one to pull her from the well and allow for her parents to adopt her, she begins a journey to the realization of just who and what she really is.

               What is awesome about this story:  Vikings.  Viking Gods.  Do I have to say more than that?  Yes...ARCHAEOLOGY!  There are all sorts of things going on here that rock.  The initial story was "finished" but I was making a second round to weed out all of the inconsistencies and Mary Sue tendencies.  The second round was proving awesome.

               Issues with this story:  So I know that no matter how hard we try, there are always plot holes.  Whatevs.  I'm just trying to avoid gaping ones.  Many of these fall into the "Whys" and the "What purpose does that character serve?"  So it needs work.

Most inspiring song - 

Well, there you have it!  Consider carefully!  Vote, and please comment and let me know what you think and why!

So, it's been a while...

Well, it has been. Doggy is good! He is naughty, but actually not near as naughty as a pup could be! Getting so big!!

At any rate, I'm writing and that is good. Good, at least, in that I am writing. Bad, because I am rabidly writing something that is a completely fresh idea. Darn you dream! Again, it came from a dream.

You know, I love my dreams that way. Then they are always interesting. They always keep me on my toes. However, then they always tell good stories that I want to share. It's a vicious cycle.

I've coined some new terms while I am writing this latest. I have decided to call the "chapters" I am writing right now "skeleton chapters" and the draft, not a rough draft, but a "skeleton draft."  Why? Well, here's the thing; these aren't even worthy to call a rough draft or chapter. They are bare bones minimum, lacking the meat and fullness that most rough drafts have. They have nothing to them save a very light bit of thought that I will expand into a rough draft. This is stupid, you might say. A rough draft is a rough draft. Well, I tell you: NO! Really, if this was actual meat, and it was all you had to eat for the rest of the year, you'd cry.

I feel, however, this story could strike a few cords with people and I foresee it getting a lot of flack.  It has a lot in the plot that could be considered social commentary, and well, when you do that...the trolls come out to get you. 

The world does not view itself the way I do and I am really writing this from my hardest of hearts. So I realize that people are going to say things like "that's a bad worldview" or "your portrayal of this is inaccurate at best." I say, go find me a book of a similar nature that is completely accurate.

I don't know. I feel very strongly like God is pushing me to write this. I don't know if I'm accurately portraying what He wants me to, but I pray I am. So, cross your fingers, say a prayer, and hope for the best!

You few who follow me, are awesome!

Day whatever...

I think things are going to be fine. Both mommy and puppy need to learn. Mommy is worried about over doing her sternness. But Dougal is definitely a dominant personality. It will take a bit to find the right balance.

I posted on Facebook tonight. "Your true friends will help you search for your dog's poo at night." Dougal is a blessing in so many ways. He brings people together. Who doesn't love a puppy? He loves mama, even if he would rather be pack leader. He loves daddy, and will usurp him someday...suuurrre. It makes you learn a lot of great life lessons and preps you for the eventual human babies you will one day have.

Of course I know that I have only had him for a few days, but that's a lot of learning in four days. I've learned about me a lot. I am truly blessed to have God give me such great experiences as I am having now.

As for writing, well, I've got a good feeling that there will be many a good works coming as I grow.

For now, enjoy:

Day 3

Eventually I will stop giving a diary about my dog. But it is an adventure. 

Lets just say that last night was horrid. Poor baby has a parasite.  Nothing bad, but it is one of those things already in a dog and makes an infection during stress. What's more stressful than going to a new home and being away from your family for the first time?

Dougal is doing well though. He is kind of a turd sometimes.  He seems to be the more dominant type and tries to test his bounds. This is most annoying when we take him potty.  He flops to the ground and won't get up. Like I said...turd. 

It was his first day all day in the crate. He whined a bit, but I think he did okay.

I worry about how he will do tomorrow, but time will tell. Prayers are welcome and needed.